Chasing me in my dreams

I have had the same dream the past two nights in a row...

It has freaked me out to no end.

I was walking home from somewhere, don't exactly know where, and all of a sudden I'm being chased by these two bigger than life sized dicks!!!!! The fully erect dicks, complete with angry looking throbbing veins, chased me at full speed {well, as fast as a big boobed fat chick could run} They used their hairy balls as feet to run me down. I kept looking back at them and tried to pick up speed.........THEN I WOKE UP!!!

They looked a little like this, take away the friendly smile and add another but only darker.

Under normal circumstances,

1. I don't run....not a big girl friendly activity.
2. Really, I don't run, my boobs are too big for that.
3. I don't run from dick, in any situation, *AHEM*

Does this mean there is a bounty of dicks in my future???? This is exciting & scary all at the same time. Though I'd rather have a bounty of dollars in my future, how will this be applicable to real life?

Please help me to understand this dream....

Some serious Dr. Phil/Oprah shit going on

By nature I'm a fixer. I'm the oldest of me and my sisters and it was my job to fix things. For a long time I proved to be very good at "fixing" things, emotions, and people.

Yeah, I said people....

Lately my skills as the fixer have been seriously put to the test and I have failed.

I can not fix my marriage

I can not fix the Drama Princess's mounting emotional issues.

I can not fix the relationship between my sisters and I.

I can not fix my financial situation.

I can not fix my job situation.

I can not fix my dog's scratching/allergy problem.

I can not fix my weight problems.

Notice how my my issue/weight comes last on the list, that may be something that needs to be fixed too...

There I said it.....

I can not fix these things. I do not know where to begin to even try to.....

Anyone who knows me, can attest to how much of a humongous hit to my ego I'm taking for admitting all this.

Wait, is my ego something that needs to be fixed to???

Drama AKA My Sister

So I haven't blogged in a while......shoot me. No really I deserve a kick in the pants because more blogging was apart of my New Year's Resolutions.

I just had to let this go.....

Weeks ago I got a call from the Drama Princess' mom(AKA my sister) asking if she could come and scoop the 'D' Princess for a birthday party (weekend of March 7th) thrown for her girlfriend's son 'Cardo

(girlfriend like bow*wow*chicka bow*wow)

Yep, she's gay!!! Quite the shock to me too!!!

Sooooo, I agree and tell her okay not analyzing all the heavy variables around the dates.

Usually, the weekends spent with DP's mom are disasters waiting to happen
disasters like:

*not returning her on time(no, we are not awake expecting her back at 2am)

*returning her days later(school starts on Monday not Thursday!!!!!)

*returning her smelly

*returning her sick(with ear infections, coughs, diahrrea)

*returning her without feeding her(not a big deal right, try telling DP dinner was at 6pm and not 2am

*returning her with clothing you bought for her that looks like hooker uniforms

*not bringing back herMUCH NEEDED, VERY EXPENSIVE ADHD MEDS

*bring her back with NO SHOES OR JACKET or a combo of both

I hate dealing with any of the above mentioned things in any combonation. but I have to go through this because it is court ordered.

BOTTOM LINE THEY PISS ME OFF.

So now the variables,
this weekend is day light savings time(bad enough she is already late, now she'll be even later)
the big standardized test FCAT (that result in pass or fail 3rd grade)
she is always SUPER DUPER emotional after visits
there's a lot of traffic due to it being Bike Week(another reason to be late)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What the hell was I thinking!!!!

That kinda day already...

Resolution Time, Folks!!!

Okay, so

Last year I made only one resolution. My resolution seemed kinda small in comparison to those made by my friends. But, so what!!

I STUCK TO IT!!

My resolution was to take better care of my skin and nails and I did this year. I drank more water, moisturized daily and tried not to pick at pimples.

(Yep, still get pimples even at 20ish yrs old)

I tried to steer clear of making resolutions that would quickly be broken and forgotten. Soooo, I'm gonna stick to the same theme this year.

ME!!!

My resolutions for this year will be to try to eliminate the negative speaking & make more time for myself...

I plan on reading more books, do more crafts, go to the library/bookstore more, all to help with my sanity.

As for eliminating the negative speaking, I'm not going to say I will stop cursing. That would be just plain STUPID!!! I am willing to say that I will stop being sooooo sarcastic and chill with the negativity.

Now, the catch is that I am making this resolution while my kids and husband are home on winter break from school. Will I be able to keep my both resolutions despite them being home all day, every day till school break is over?????

Check back with me January 7th when the Professor, Princess & the Huz go back to school.

OHHH Yeah, how could you let me forget my other resolution is to blog more!!!!!

I just love letting my imaginary internet friends see what's going on with me!!!

Santa Sucks

Dear Santa


YOU suck!!!!

I didn't get shit on my list!!!!

Not even the bleach or Lysol.

Bahhhh Hum bug.

Screw your list!!!

Sincerely,
The Woman Undone

Hope you enjoyed your holidays!!!!!

Okay, so the other day I was checking my email and what do I find in there....an email stating I got 2 comments posted to my blog.

Go Me, Go Me, Go Me!!!!!

Also, I should mention that one of the comments came from a blogger who I have blog envy for!!! (***Really gushing***)

****Doing the Happy Mommy Booty Shake****

Thanks, you guys, that made my day to know that I am not just aimlessly rambling on to my imaginary internet friends!!

My Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

Below you will find my Christmas Wish List. I have been a good girl contrary to what others say.

1. A Derek Lam handbag
2. IPOD Classic with accessories
3. ITunes gift card
4. Gift Certificate for regular Spa Treatments
5. Nikon D40 SLR Digital Camera
6. More Provocraft Cricut Cartridges
7. 3" Solid Gold Hoop Earrings
8. An Awesome Set of Sheets
9. Bi-weekly Maid Service for 1 year
10. Unlimited supply of Bleach
11. Unlimited supply of Lysol

I know you are a busy man, so gift cards in the amount of $1000 each to the following stores would be allowed.

Ikea, A.C. Moore, Michaels Arts & Crafts, Home Depot, Lowe's, K-Mart,Wal-Mart & Target

Considering how good I have been this year and the past years you have skipped over me I think this list ought to even us up.

Thanks for your attention in this matter,
The Undone Woman

Dear Apartment #1012

Dear Apartment # 1012,

I can not began to tell you how much I HATE you. I can not exactly put my finger on the one point in our relationship that soured my feelings towards you.

Is it the super small kitchen that can not fit 2 adults at the same time?
The odd floor plans that don't allow for normal shaped couch?
Is the grossly stained carpet throughout the apartment?
Is it the ceiling fans that sound like they are going to fall on your head?
Is it the weird neighbors in close proximity?
Is it the NON-handy Handy man sent to fix things he does not know how to fix?
Is it the lack of space for the rest of the crap we accumulate daily?

We have just 2 adults, 2 children and 1 dog. THAT'S IT!!! Why isn't there more space???? The brochure said it comfortably fits up to a family of 8. Where, I don't know!!! When I compare our square footage to those of our friend's apartments they envy us, but them I ask them why??? There isn't one square foot of the floor of the apartment that is empty. My many attempts of organizing have failed. No amount of Rubbermaid®, Ziplock®, or Tupperware® can save our relationship.

I would like to break up with you very soon but lack the money to do so. So I guess we are stuck with each other. So, please let's be adults about this and try to make it work.

P. S. Please tell your friend, Apartment # 1022, above us to keep their loud footsteps and odd smells to a minimum please???

Yours truly,
Upset Occupant