Chasing me in my dreams

I have had the same dream the past two nights in a row...

It has freaked me out to no end.

I was walking home from somewhere, don't exactly know where, and all of a sudden I'm being chased by these two bigger than life sized dicks!!!!! The fully erect dicks, complete with angry looking throbbing veins, chased me at full speed {well, as fast as a big boobed fat chick could run} They used their hairy balls as feet to run me down. I kept looking back at them and tried to pick up speed.........THEN I WOKE UP!!!

They looked a little like this, take away the friendly smile and add another but only darker.

Under normal circumstances,

1. I don't run....not a big girl friendly activity.
2. Really, I don't run, my boobs are too big for that.
3. I don't run from dick, in any situation, *AHEM*

Does this mean there is a bounty of dicks in my future???? This is exciting & scary all at the same time. Though I'd rather have a bounty of dollars in my future, how will this be applicable to real life?

Please help me to understand this dream....

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Regrets....


I should have been more aggressive with my retirement accounts & 401(k) when I had the chance.

I should have tried to make things better between me and Drama Princess' mom, my sister, before things seriously went sour.

I shoulda taken advantage of my "good" insurance when I had the chance.

I shoulda stayed at home and went to Community college first.

I shoulda tried not to live high off the hog of student loans in college.

I shoulda been on the look out for post partum depression after pregnancy.

I shoulda been more vocal about my feelings when they were hurt by others.

I shoulda played the field more in college.

I shoulda told my MIL I was pregnant, face-to-face.

I shoulda stayed in college, even after finding out I was pregnant.

I shoulda named my son after his father.

I shoulda taken the job at Lockeed Martin back in the day, instead of partying at college.

I shoulda taken the chance to see more dicks. I only had a few sexual partners(can count'em on 1 hand), don't particularly wanna have sex with them, just wanna see them. They fascinate me!!!

I shoulda taken better care of my CD/vinyl collection, my stuff woulda been DA SHIT to envy today!!

I should have gained more of a career/experience before getting pregnant and married. Woulda liked to be one of those I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T WOMEN they sing about in songs.

I shoulda sent out Christmas cards this year.

It's our anniversary.....anniversary.

Even though The Huz and I have been going through a (Oh-my-god-I-can't-even-stand-to-be-around-you-right-now) rough patch we still decided to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We've never been on a honeymoon or a real vacation that was without the kids or that didn't involve a funeral, family reunion or some other type of family visit.

Actually, we rarely have moments alone without the kids out in public. This mainly stems from the fact that we are in a city away from both our families and we(mainly me) don't trust many folks with my children.

But I digress....back to the anniversary.

Soooo, The Huz planned for us to go to a swanky resort in Orlando with lush accomodations and the whole nine.

We planned to go to a local comedy club, have dinner at our favorite seafood buffet and chill later with drinks.

Well, being that we never do anything in order, we started the evening with drinks, THENNN, went to the seafood buffet. We ate like kings and queens.

I love seafood....ALOT. Our family meal budget really doesn't allow for us to eat it as much as I'd like but, so this was a real splurge for us. So any chance to eat lobster, sushi, crab legs, mussels, clams, shrimp, I'm all for it.

At $37.95 per person(not including drinks), you damn right it was a splurge.

Soooo, we had drinks BEFORE the restaurant, drinks AT the restaurant and eventually never made it to the comedy club.

------------------------------>Enter in jacuzzi tub<-----------------------------

Back at the hotel, The Huz thought it would be a great idea for us to BOTH get into the tub and soak for a while. Okay cool.

After my foot massage and a few drinks, anything goes.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT IS NOT FOR AN AUDIENCE WITH WEAK STOMACHS. PLEASE EMPTY ALL BEVERAGES FROM YOUR MOUTH AT THIS TIME, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY LIQUIDS THAT COME IN CONTACT WITH YOUR LAPTOP, PC, MOUSE, OR KEYBOARD. ANY DAMAGES THAT RESULT FROM YOU READING THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

So after soaking in the jacuzzi tub, with ANOTHER COUPLE DRINKS we figure out how to turn on the jets.

Me: Wow, those jets are super strong, is there a way to turn them down?
Huz: No, there's only two settings, on and off.
Me: Wow, those jets are super strong, is there a way to turn them down?
Huz: Baby, you're a little tipsy aren't you?
Me: Wow, those jets are super strong, is there a way to turn them down?
Huz: No baby, just relax, they feel good.
Me: Wow, those jets are super strong, is there a way to turn them down?
I'm *burp* feeling those jets anymore.
Huz: I'll turn them off in a little while.
Me: Wow, those jets are super strong, is there a way to turn them down?
I'm *burp* feeling those jets anymore.

BLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yes, folks I threw up. EVERYTHING. I. ATE. And if you were paying attention you would have caught a couple of things.

1. The restaurant was a SEAFOOD BUFFET.
2. I'm a big girl(refer to my picture) and I love my seafood.
3. I asked 5 times to have the jets turned down or off.
4. I had consumed quite a few alcoholic drinks.
5. I have dreadlocks that are all the way down to my butt(refer to my picture).
6. I'm a bit of a germa-phobic person.
7. I repeat myself alot when I'm a little tipsy.
8. We never made it to the comedy club.

Last but not least, I was not in the tub alone.

I threw up the ENTIRE contents of my stomach IN the jacuzzi tub ON TOP of myself and The Huz. Sexy right. I got seafood on me, on The Huz, and in my fu**ing hair.

NEVER. AGAIN.

Happy Anniversary, baby here's to many more.

Some serious Dr. Phil/Oprah shit going on

By nature I'm a fixer. I'm the oldest of me and my sisters and it was my job to fix things. For a long time I proved to be very good at "fixing" things, emotions, and people.

Yeah, I said people....

Lately my skills as the fixer have been seriously put to the test and I have failed.

I can not fix my marriage

I can not fix the Drama Princess's mounting emotional issues.

I can not fix the relationship between my sisters and I.

I can not fix my financial situation.

I can not fix my job situation.

I can not fix my dog's scratching/allergy problem.

I can not fix my weight problems.

Notice how my my issue/weight comes last on the list, that may be something that needs to be fixed too...

There I said it.....

I can not fix these things. I do not know where to begin to even try to.....

Anyone who knows me, can attest to how much of a humongous hit to my ego I'm taking for admitting all this.

Wait, is my ego something that needs to be fixed to???

You know you're a FAT KID!!!

You know you're a fat kid if you score 18 out of 20 on the Candy Bar Identification Quiz!!!

You try and tell me how you do!!!

Big Girl Panties

Ladies & gentlemen,

I realize the past few post here have been quite negative, to say the least. But, I gotta tell you something.....adulthood, parenting & marriage is harder than it looks. No, really, I mean it.


So I did what most other people do when they are down in the dumps...I called my best friend.

I called her today and she told me that she did not want to hear any of my crap todayI told her I was gonna talk mean about her on my blog. She laughed....

Me: I need to vent, can I have a venting day.

Trina: No, I'm at work and besides you owe me, it's my turn to vent.

Me: Pleasssssseeeeeee.....

Trina: No, I can't give you the support you need today, besides, you vented the last few times, when do I get a chance.

Me: I'll be your best friend.....

Trina: Nope....no thanks. Stop begging, you sound sooo sorry.

Me: That's not nice...

Trina: Not meant to be. What are you wearing?

Me: A big girl outfit, why....

Trina: Look, I gotta go in a few to get my ass chewed by my supervisor. I need for you to pick your self up, go to your room and change underwear.

Me: Change underwear????? WTF... I'm already dressed.

Trina: I know, just do as I say. Pick out your favorite big girl panties, you know the ones that make you giggle like you know a secret no one else knows, strut your stuff in the mirror and see if you don't feel better. I gotta go.....kiss the kids for me, I'll call you tomorrow. Love you bunches..

Me: Change underwear???? WTF???

Trina: DO IT NOW!!!

So I did......and it worked!!!!

Nobody said big girl panties had to be ugly!!!

This is a card I made, in honor of big girl panties!!!!! She's gonna die laughing when I send her this!!!!

Come Drool with me!!!

Does this count as an actually fruit for my diet

Right now I'm drooling like a poor kid at the ice cream truck. These look soooo good!!!

Man I wish I had some money!!!!

If you have some money, go buy some for me, PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!



Here is the LINK.